Starting WWIII

You 'd think the terrorists had landed in my backyard yesterday. I finally had enough free time during decent weather to tackle yard maintenance in my backyard. I had pruned the crepe myrtles a couple of weeks ago and was letting the branches dry out so that I could snap them into the 4' sections that is required by our garbage pickup service. Since I had help in the form of the male member of the species, I quickly cleared out the branches and put him to task with the weed eater (which I WILL NOT operate...scary), while I started with mowing the lawn. By the time that was completed, I was on a roll, so I started working on two trees that are on the property line. One is in my neighbor's yard and huge, but there are three or four branches that come over into my yard and after getting poked in the eye yet again while mowing, i decided to trim back the branches on my side before the leaves grew in and it got out of hand. Quick work, then I start on a honeysuckle-type bush near the front of the property line. The tree is rooted on my side of the fence, hell it's trunk is on my side of the fence, and I know by having to duck under the canopy of the tree--and at 5' tall, that's absurd that I have to duck under anything--but anyway, the canopy is on my side of the fence. After who knows how many years, the bush/tree is intertwined in the fence, with dead vines trellising along a few feet of the fence itself. So I clean it up. Pull out the roots and everything. My friend and I looked at it while cutting in down and made the comment that it looked like it was a sister tree at some point, with one base on my side of the fence and another on the neighbor's side-which looked to have been long dead. That's in the yard to dry out to be cut, on to the next area.

A few hours later I am sitting in my living room eating frozen grapes-yummy-when there is a knock at my front door. It's crazy miniature doberman owning-ex-stripper looking neighbor lady, who, up until today has always been pleasant during the three years I've owned my house. Well, as pleasant as you can be when every time I walk out of my door her dog is yapping from behind her glass door. Or the time that the dog nearly got away from her during a potty break and ran straight for my sister, yapping away. She thought that dog was about to attack her-and my sister already isn't a big fan of any dog, especially that beast. Anyway-she greets me at MY door with "excuse me, but who gave you permission to cut down my tree? that was uncalled for." My response, in no raised voice or bitchiness, "I apologize if it offends you, but everything that I cut down was on my side of the fence line, roots and trunk." I was barely able to get that out, amid interjections of "that was uncalled for" and "those were my flowers." I tried to tell her that everything that I cut down was on my side of the property line, and being that the roots and trunk were on my side, it was my understanding that the previous owners had planted it." Still, I was interrupted the entire time and I can guarantee she didn't hear a word.

Be the duck. Be the duck. Let it roll off your back. She has nothing better to do that make a big hoopla over a bush. A bush, that she never sees! It is in the far corner of the property, where if she was intent on sitting and admiring the blooms, then she would have to take a lawn chair and set down in front of it, because there is no vantage point of that bush from her house, patio, or the like. Be the duck.

A couple more hours later I am bringing my friend's dog back to him--we had let her run around in my backyard for the day, since she doesn't really get that at home. I notice as I am getting my car ready to put the Labrador sized dog in my front seat that Crazy Neighbor Lady is in her front yard talking to someone, and they both glance back at me as I walk back into my house. I get Leela all leashed up and ready to go, we walk outside, and immediately she starts yanking on my arm to go exploring at the same time that Crazy Neighbor Lady's shrill voice comes across the lawn--"did you think that that was YOUR fence?" Ok, when did this become about the fence. I have perfected the I think you are an idiot look, so I was giving it to her the whole time that she was shrieking "I have been here forever, and I was the one who put up that fence, so that is MY fence." Ok lady, then if its your fence, then you should have known good and well to put the fence around the tree/bush to include it in your property, if it really and truly is YOUR flowers.

Be the duck. Be the duck. I'm planting my garden today. I'll be outside most of the afternoon. I'm sure the verbal assault is far from over.