Enjoy the Silence

I realize that I've been quiet for a few weeks. How I wish I weren't. These last few weeks have been extremely trying. The passing of Baby Cate, and a few weeks later, Baby Cooper, family vacation to Toledo Bend, home for 2 days, Canada for 6, home for 12 hours, New Orleans for 2 days, home...birthday weekend. I don't even remember what I did for my birthday. There was another death, and while I barely knew her, her husband has been like a second father to me for my entire life...without the absences, and drinking, and smoking, and punishments when I misbehaved. He was the teddy bear that loved me and my sister unconditionally. So I went to the funeral. And last night when I got home...there was a fight about cardstock, CDs, and later, opening a wine bottle. Tensions were high and I just wanted to walk away from it. He did. Grabbed his phone and started walking home.

Conflict resolution has never been one of my strongest suits. Remember that I was engaged at 17 and took nearly 5 years of daily berating before he left me. Yep. I was willing to take more. During those years with him, I would curse and scream and kick and yell, but he never heard. I was...a bitch. I've made a very conscious effort to never become that person again because I didn't know who she was, my family didn't recognize her, and I didn't like her.

So last night when the curse words were flying, and wine openers were slamming on the counter top, I just left the room because I didn't want to subject myself to argument with his temper. Couple that with the earlier scene at the office supply store. I was trying to relay the information on the cardstock type paper that I needed, and then was subjected to a litany of my inadequacies in the graphics knowledge department because I was speaking completely generically about "a thicker weight paper". We left the store with no paper. Or cardstock.

He won't say it because that's him, but I have to wonder if his sudden temper swings have to do with a visitor in town. He's worried.